just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
