in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
