it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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