I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Randomize
