Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
