I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
