every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
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Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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