oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
