My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
