I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
