I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
