I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
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i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
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Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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