I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
