If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
