the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
