I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
