Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
