I'm jealous of your bromance
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize