A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
