sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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