So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
