Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
