on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
