JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
