So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
