did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
