Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
This toilet bowl is my home.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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