You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
