I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
