Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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