Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I bet he comes in French.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
