And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Me too!
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
we should paint friendship bongs
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