I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
