do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
