I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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