Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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