"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Randomize
