I can text with my tongue
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
