how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
