Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
