Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
