You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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