I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
