her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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