Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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