I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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