Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
