so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
