apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
