By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I need to sanitize my soul.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
