Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I could make wine with my vomit
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
