i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
