We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
