Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
