It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
