don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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