Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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