Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
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LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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