4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I am spending my child support on dildos
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
