we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
