Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
