I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize