OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
i believe in u and ur pee
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
