ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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