Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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