We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
