I look better un-naked...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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