Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
