You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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