Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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