I CAN MOONWALK!
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
