What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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