just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
