i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
